Yup! That's a lot of topics for one little post. But guess what y'all. Adoption is complicated.
This post is not sunshine and rainbows, it is not a "feel good" post. This is going to get down and dirty and difficult, and if it hurts, that means you probably need to change something.
1. Adoption is not a dirty word y'all. Don't hide from kids the fact that they are adopted. Don't hide from the world that they are adopted. Don't hide their stories. Tell them the truth. Tell it to them from day 1.
2. It is NEVER too early for them to know their background. Tell them about their birth parent(s). Even if you don't know much about them, make sure that the child knows what they got from them! Their eyes, their nose, their hair, their smile... Make sure they know that their birth parents love them, and that adoption wasn't because they were unwanted.
3. Openness is NOT a threat. It is NOT harmful. Are there situations (especially in foster to adopt situations) where the birth parents are not in a healthy place? Yes. There are. Does that mean you close and lock down completely? NO. You can at LEAST set up an email address where you can send pictures, letters, etc. However, these situations are rare in the adoption community, and the birth parent knowing your names, and knowing the general area where you live is not a danger. Openness is not co-parenting, it doesn't mean that the birth parents will be at your house all the time. Openness is respect. Respect for each other's positions. You, respecting the birth parents and the role they play in the child's life. The birth parents, respecting you as the parents and the ones doing the job of raising the child they entrusted to your care for life. BOTH parties respecting the child, and giving answers, and not lying.
4. Birth parents are NOT scary people. We are not the crazy people in the life time movies. We are your neighbors, we are married couples, we are single parents, we are in highschool, college, and are graduates. We are professionals, we are blue collar workers. We are civilian, we are military. We struggle with mental health, we are mental health professionals. We deal with homelessness, we have good jobs. We are not one set of people. We are people from varying lives, who deal with various struggles, who look and act just like you, only at one time we either were forced to make a decision, or felt like we had to make the hardest decisions in our lives. We are not "sketchy" and weaving webs of emotional deceit and dependency. We don't reconnect with our children to get money out of them.
5. Birth dads don't get mentioned. Birth dads are left out. Many are called liars, many are dragged through the mud, when many times, the agencies or the families or the mothers chose to say awful things about the birth dads, as an excuse to cut them out of the process.
6. Adoptee voices. Hey, adoption world, shut up and LISTEN! LISTEN to what the adoptees need. LISTEN to their stories. LISTEN to those in closed AND open adoptions. Just FREAKING LISTEN! Don't group them together! Some may be content, or at least act content, to know nothing. But if they WANT and NEED their stories, and their genetic histories? Don't act scared, don't tell them it's a waste of time and money, don't tell them that THEIR STORY DOESN"T MATTER when you have the PRIVILEGE of knowing yours!!!!!!!!!!!
Goodnight!
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
What a Day..
Today is a difficult day for many people in our nation. Many people today live in fear, in anger, and, and in hatred. It saddens me to be living in a country where these are the motivational feelings out there.
I chose not to cast my vote for hatred today. I chose not to cast a vote for fear. Instead, I have cast my vote for love.
Some of you won't agree with some of what I say, because I am a Christian, and that is where some of my inspiration comes from. I hope that you can still take some hope and love from the words I feel prompted to speak.
My heart is heavy tonight. There are homes where parents do not know what tomorrow brings for their families safety. There are homes where those who have just recently been able to make their relationships legal are scared that soon that stability will be pulled out from underneath them, and they will have to hide who they are in order to keep from losing jobs. There are those who are worried tonight because they are not scared of a man... they are scared of the words of some of those who support him, who are using the election as an excuse to let the evil of their hearts show. They may not be scared of our government, but they are scared of people, and rightfully so.
Our country is a country divided. It is our job to unite our neighborhoods, cities, states, and country, because the media will continue to divide us. We can only unite with love. Darkness and hatred divide. Love, pure childlike love, unites. Children do not know hatred until it is taught. All they know, is love. Let us do the same.
To those of you sleeping tonight in fear
Know that we are here.
To those who no longer have strength to fight,
We are here to stand for what is right.
How can you tell your children that all will be well?
Hug them, and love them, for here is what you will tell.
There are protectors standing through the night.
We are here to stand for what is right.
We will not fight with sword, gun, or knife.
We are not here to cause more strife.
We are here to bring peace and love.
We are here to bring love from heaven above.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
The songs of love will strike a chord.
This battle will not be won on words of hate.
For peace, love, and kindness, it is not too late.
Hold On. The battle is just begun.
The battle is not lost, nor has it been won.
Love will conquer all.
Love will not fall.
Spread your wings and fly.
Lift your head, raise it high.
We will stand through it all.
Love will conquer all.
These words I leave for you,
May all God's Blessings go with you.
I do not care who you voted for. I do not care who you will vote for in the future. Know that there is love. I have seen a few types of people today. Those who celebrated, because they feel that their vote was best, and did not think of those who might be affected. Those who chose to lash out, call names, and destroy friendships over a political disagreement. Those who voted, knowing that there was no good option, and that either vote would have catastrophic results attached. Those who chose not to vote, because they felt that either their vote wouldn't make a difference, or because they believe that they are of a kingdom that is not of this earth.
Whatever you believe, I know we all can agree on one thing. The days ahead will be bad. They will be hard. There will be anger and pain and hurt and suffering. It is our job to do a few things, as people, regardless of who you voted for or didn't vote for.
1. It is your job to love. Love your friends who voted, and didn't vote. Love them in spite of who they voted for. Love them because they are people. Love them, because they are your neighbors, and the admonition to "Love your neighbor as yourself", didn't specify that the person had to be a christian, a republican, a democrat, gay, straight, black, brown, white... In fact, it was quite the opposite.
When Christ was asked "Who is my neighbor?", then he responded with a parable we all know quite well. The parable of the Good Samaritan. The men who chose to call themselves men of God passed a man by who had been attacked and beaten. They didn't stop to help, they didn't even offer. They hurried on about their day. However, it was the Samaritan who stopped. The Samaritans were the people who were looked down upon by the Jews at the time, because they didn't do things "just right". Yet, according to Christ, the one who had mercy on the beaten man, was his neighbor. So, who is our neighbor? It doesn't matter what group of people they belong to. People are our neighbors, no matter their belief system.
2. It is your job, not the governments, to teach your children right from wrong. Our children are exposed to so much evil these days. Teach them that hatred is wrong, that no race, gender, religion, orientation, or any other divider is a reason for teasing and bullying and ostracizing.
3. Teach your daughters to stand up for themselves, that they are worthy, no matter what people say. Teach them to respect themselves. Teach your sons to respect women, that they are more than sexual beings.
4. Pray. It is our job to pray that God will take care of this country, and heal this country. There is so much anger and hatred. This is not God's desire that we be at war with our fellow man.
5. Trust. In Jeremiah 29:11, it says "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." In Proverbs 3:5 it says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."
These words should offer comfort to us in the days ahead. I hope and pray that they offer some comfort to you.
These days are not easy, they are days of trials, but I know that we will make it through.
God's blessings be with you.
Tabitha
I chose not to cast my vote for hatred today. I chose not to cast a vote for fear. Instead, I have cast my vote for love.
Some of you won't agree with some of what I say, because I am a Christian, and that is where some of my inspiration comes from. I hope that you can still take some hope and love from the words I feel prompted to speak.
My heart is heavy tonight. There are homes where parents do not know what tomorrow brings for their families safety. There are homes where those who have just recently been able to make their relationships legal are scared that soon that stability will be pulled out from underneath them, and they will have to hide who they are in order to keep from losing jobs. There are those who are worried tonight because they are not scared of a man... they are scared of the words of some of those who support him, who are using the election as an excuse to let the evil of their hearts show. They may not be scared of our government, but they are scared of people, and rightfully so.
Our country is a country divided. It is our job to unite our neighborhoods, cities, states, and country, because the media will continue to divide us. We can only unite with love. Darkness and hatred divide. Love, pure childlike love, unites. Children do not know hatred until it is taught. All they know, is love. Let us do the same.
To those of you sleeping tonight in fear
Know that we are here.
To those who no longer have strength to fight,
We are here to stand for what is right.
How can you tell your children that all will be well?
Hug them, and love them, for here is what you will tell.
There are protectors standing through the night.
We are here to stand for what is right.
We will not fight with sword, gun, or knife.
We are not here to cause more strife.
We are here to bring peace and love.
We are here to bring love from heaven above.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
The songs of love will strike a chord.
This battle will not be won on words of hate.
For peace, love, and kindness, it is not too late.
Hold On. The battle is just begun.
The battle is not lost, nor has it been won.
Love will conquer all.
Love will not fall.
Spread your wings and fly.
Lift your head, raise it high.
We will stand through it all.
Love will conquer all.
These words I leave for you,
May all God's Blessings go with you.
I do not care who you voted for. I do not care who you will vote for in the future. Know that there is love. I have seen a few types of people today. Those who celebrated, because they feel that their vote was best, and did not think of those who might be affected. Those who chose to lash out, call names, and destroy friendships over a political disagreement. Those who voted, knowing that there was no good option, and that either vote would have catastrophic results attached. Those who chose not to vote, because they felt that either their vote wouldn't make a difference, or because they believe that they are of a kingdom that is not of this earth.
Whatever you believe, I know we all can agree on one thing. The days ahead will be bad. They will be hard. There will be anger and pain and hurt and suffering. It is our job to do a few things, as people, regardless of who you voted for or didn't vote for.
1. It is your job to love. Love your friends who voted, and didn't vote. Love them in spite of who they voted for. Love them because they are people. Love them, because they are your neighbors, and the admonition to "Love your neighbor as yourself", didn't specify that the person had to be a christian, a republican, a democrat, gay, straight, black, brown, white... In fact, it was quite the opposite.
When Christ was asked "Who is my neighbor?", then he responded with a parable we all know quite well. The parable of the Good Samaritan. The men who chose to call themselves men of God passed a man by who had been attacked and beaten. They didn't stop to help, they didn't even offer. They hurried on about their day. However, it was the Samaritan who stopped. The Samaritans were the people who were looked down upon by the Jews at the time, because they didn't do things "just right". Yet, according to Christ, the one who had mercy on the beaten man, was his neighbor. So, who is our neighbor? It doesn't matter what group of people they belong to. People are our neighbors, no matter their belief system.
2. It is your job, not the governments, to teach your children right from wrong. Our children are exposed to so much evil these days. Teach them that hatred is wrong, that no race, gender, religion, orientation, or any other divider is a reason for teasing and bullying and ostracizing.
3. Teach your daughters to stand up for themselves, that they are worthy, no matter what people say. Teach them to respect themselves. Teach your sons to respect women, that they are more than sexual beings.
4. Pray. It is our job to pray that God will take care of this country, and heal this country. There is so much anger and hatred. This is not God's desire that we be at war with our fellow man.
5. Trust. In Jeremiah 29:11, it says "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." In Proverbs 3:5 it says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."
These words should offer comfort to us in the days ahead. I hope and pray that they offer some comfort to you.
These days are not easy, they are days of trials, but I know that we will make it through.
God's blessings be with you.
Tabitha
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